8 Red Flags of a High-Conflict Divorce

 Posted on November 13, 2024 in Divorce

Conflict is, unfortunately, a part of divorce for most couples. Even spouses who begin a divorce in agreement on most issues can soon begin having problems. Of course, there is conflict, and there is the kind of conflict many of us cannot even imagine. When one spouse has a high-conflict personality, divorce will be much more complex, costly, and time-consuming – a true roller-coaster ride of intense emotions.

A high-conflict divorce is generally considered one in which one or both spouses engage in negative behaviors. This is meant to inflict emotional pain on the other spouse and sometimes is meant to derail the entire divorce process. If you are expecting a high-conflict divorce thanks to your spouse, speak to a highly skilled Naperville, IL divorce lawyer from Calabrese Associates, P.C..  

What Are Some Red-Flag Behaviors of a High-Conflict Spouse?

High-conflict spouses are likely to engage in one or more of the following behaviors during a divorce:

1. Sending bullying text messages
2. Leaving inappropriate phone messages
3. Making threats to the other spouse
4. Refusing to exchange the children
5. Cutting the other spouse off financially
6. Refusing to provide necessary financial documents
7. Engaging in parental alienation with the couple’s children
8. Refusing to show up at court, causing endless delays and re-scheduling issues

High-conflict spouses are often rigid and inflexible, making demands that are impossible or impractical for the other spouse to comply with. He or she are often unwilling to engage in negotiations, including alternative dispute resolutions like mediation or collaborative divorce.

A spouse who is always blaming the other spouse, the attorneys, or the court system, and who exhibits unmanaged anger is likely a high-conflict spouse. When it comes down to one overall trait that distinguishes a high-conflict spouse, it is the spouse who escalates the smallest disagreement into a full-blown fight.

How Can I Anticipate and Counter High-Conflict Divorce Tactics?

A high conflict divorce will virtually always take more time than a "regular" divorce. To get through a high-conflict divorce in the best way possible – with the best outcome possible – the following red flags should be looked for and countered whenever possible.

• Healthy coping strategies must be implemented, including expressing feelings in a positive manner, refraining from playing the blame game, expecting to compromise, and setting boundaries.
• Keep communications as neutral as possible, which includes not responding to a high-conflict spouse’s bullying comments.
• Understand legal rights and the process expected in a high-conflict divorce.
• Resist the urge to tell everyone what it is like dealing with a high-conflict spouse. Hire a therapist who can help channel anger and intense feelings more productively.
• Work to create a co-parenting strategy that does not expose the children to negativity.
• Seek experienced legal advice.
• Feel the feelings, finish the divorce process, and move forward with life.
• Do not immediately respond to texts and emails. Take some time to calm down and think about a reply before hitting "send."

If there are children of the marriage, then once the divorce is final, the parents still have to continue to see one another for the benefit of the children. This could last for many years for parents of young children. Going through a high-conflict divorce can make it difficult to continue to see the person who made life miserable, but it could also be a necessity when there are children to consider.

Contact a DuPage County, IL Divorce Lawyer

Having a strong Naperville, IL divorce lawyer from Calabrese Associates, P.C. is the best way to counter a high-conflict spouse. Your attorney can deal with many issues, so you do not have to see your spouse so often. Attorney Michael J. Calabrese currently lectures on family law-related issues and is the former chair of the DuPage County Bar Association Family Law Committee. Our firm will do everything possible to ensure the best outcome possible to your divorce despite a high-conflict spouse. Contact Calabrese Associates, P.C. today at 630-393-3111 to schedule an initial attorney appointment.