What Are the Five Stages of Divorce – And Which is the Worst?

 Posted on August 29, 2024 in Divorce

Many people are familiar with the five stages of grief following the death of a loved one. A divorce, while not a death, is still a loss. The end of a marriage is so painful because it not only includes the loss of a partnership but also the loss of the dreams and commitments shared by the couple. Like death, divorce is life-altering for many, resulting in an array of emotions along with changes and challenges.  

When a couple decides to divorce, no matter how friendly the divorce begins, the process can be filled with landmines. Marital assets must be divided up, spousal support must be determined, and perhaps the marital home will be sold. If there are children, the allocation of parental responsibilities and child support must be determined, and a parenting plan must be prepared.

Trying to accomplish any of these things on your own can make the divorce much more difficult and time-consuming. When you have an experienced Naperville, IL divorce attorney from Calabrese Associates, P.C. as your legal advocate, you can expect an easier, quicker process and you can be sure your rights are being protected at every turn.

Understanding the Five Stages of Grief in a Divorce

Divorce alters the dynamics of a relationship forever. If you and your ex are co-parenting, running a business, or simply running into one another, then he or she will remain physically in your world, but in a much different way. Stage one in the five stages of divorce grief is shock – especially if you did not see the divorce coming – and denial. You may tell yourself that since you and your spouse never really discussed divorce, this is merely a "bump" in your relationship, and the two of you will work it out.

Stage two in the process is anger. Once you are over the shock and denial, feelings of injustice, loss, and betrayal can lead to different levels of anger, from mild anger to white-hot fury. Anger must not be suppressed, but you must find healthy ways to express it so it does not harm or frighten others. Stage three is the bargaining stage. You may be feeling guilt and wondering whether you could have done more to avoid the divorce. You may find yourself going over scenarios in your marriage, wondering whether things would have been different if you had turned right instead of left. While "what ifs" are largely futile, this stage can show you that some things are simply beyond our control.

Stage four is depression, and many believe this is the worst stage post-divorce to get through. Profound sadness for the end of your marriage is normal and necessary.  Depression can lead to feelings of hopelessness, a decline in energy, and a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed. While necessary for healing, if you find yourself stuck in the depression stage for too long, there is cause for concern. If you feel despair, or if you are relying on drugs or alcohol to get you through this difficult time, seek help from a mental health professional.

Stage five in the process is the letting go and accepting phase. While you may not suddenly wake up one day full of joy, you will realize that although your marriage is over, you are starting a new phase in your life that has hope and promise. You may feel comfortable as an unmarried person and a single parent. Once you have adapted to your loss and have begun to move forward, the fog of grief will begin to lift, and life will begin to feel hopeful again.    

Contact a DuPage County, IL Divorce Attorney

It is much easier to allow yourself to feel what you need to feel about the divorce in order to move on when you have a compassionate, experienced Naperville, IL divorce attorney guiding you through the process. As a former chair of the DuPage County Bar Association Family Law Committee, attorney Michael J. Calabrese has a deep understanding of divorce and all family law issues. Contact Calabrese Associates, P.C. at 630-393-3111 to schedule a meeting to discuss your issues and answer your questions.